My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
