there's paper in my vomit.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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