I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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