Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize