This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
