I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
