I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
