I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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