Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
