3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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