It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The power of my boobs compel you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
