I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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