nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
