the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
