bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
