It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
