i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
