Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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