omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
