She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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