Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
