this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
