I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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