Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
