i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
