3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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