So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
