Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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