I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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