Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize