$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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