I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He shit in the fireplace
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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