i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
