idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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