No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
