nut hugger
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
