Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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