I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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