dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
