i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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