i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
