If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just googled if crying burns calories
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
