i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
