No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
