Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
