how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
