Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
