man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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