Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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