Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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