I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
