Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
