I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All the doctor said was why
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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