i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
