We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
