I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
