Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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