his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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