Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
