he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
