I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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