i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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