I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
