My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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