"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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