I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
