never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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