the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
