What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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