How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
