Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
