what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
